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Is the what I have of my story any good? I want advice Please?

Is the what I have of my story any good? I want advice Please? Topic: The sisters short story
June 19, 2019 / By Diamanda
Question: I'm writing a short story for fun and I wanted advice on it, read it and tell me advice, and what you think should happen and some character names<3Lyssa.I also Need a title. Jamie Chapter One Amber and I are fighting again, this time over the stupidest thing, the bedroom. Amber wants the side with the window and basket and I want it also, since I like windows. Let me introduce myself, I'm Jamie Angel Miller, age 14 and recently moved to the small and unnoticed town Sunny Ville, with my sister and father after the rest of my family, mother and two bothers and one other sister passed away in a murder. I was part of a triplet pack, but now it is down to twins, yes Amber and I are twins, my decreased sister was our other third but in the murder, which Amber, Father, and I were spared from since we were out, leaved us to Amber and I. Amber and I never get along, and or have anything at all in common, but now, it seems like we both want the window. Amber and I are complete opposites, she dyes her curly waist-long hair blonde and pink, while I keep my black waist-long hair straight and only add in red and blue with purple extension clippings. Amber is the Girl one while I, on the other hand, are not. I despise pink and frilly girly stuff. I use to be a loner at my older school, as being the youngest in my class since 4th grade, since I was able to skip a grade, but my father was concerned so when we moved, he kept me back a class, so now Amber and I have all the same classes. “Come on, Amber! I want this side of the room!” I yelled at her, pushing her, “Plus, anyways, it will burn your precious skin! Princess Amber doesn't want that does she?” I smirked at her. “Jamie, your right! You can have the side, my complexion can't be ruined at all, I'm glad you think that its perfect too! And ow! You hurt my shoulder, Jam.” She stepped closer, and backhanded me. I briefly shrieked at her, a line of curses, then pushed her and then backhanded her five times. “Crap! Amber, get up! We're going to be late for our first day at the new school! God, I haven't been in eighth-grade since last year, Amb, I'm scared.” I winced. “You? Your scared!? Hahah, sucks for you, sis.” She snarked and went to the wardrobe which she claimed and put on a pink blazer with white hearts, a light pink tank-top, and a skirt with skinny jeans under and she slipped on her flats and grabbed her bag and glanced at me. “Your not going in your pajama's are you?” She insulted my gym shorts and music tee by calling them Pj's then making a disgusted face at them. “Course not.” I said, sighing. I went to the wardrobe I claimed, grabbed my Love tee-shrit that ended at my belly button, a sky-blue tank-top underneath it, and a pair of blue gym shorts and my high-top skull designed sneakers with it, and put left my hair down, while grabbing my bag and my music player, books, and cellphone and put them in there. If you looked at us, and if Amber didn't dye her hair, we would look identical, but we look fraternal since she dyed her hair. We smiled, flipped our hair back, locked our arms together and put on the “Best Friends Forever Sisterly Love” act we put on for our dad. “This, is awesome, Jamie! A fresh new start, new friends, new seats, new hot boys! This. Is. AWESOME!” Amber laughed. ~Tell me what you think, some character ideas, and a title name~ This story is about two twin sisters who are fighting over the same boy, thing is, I have no idea how or who to make him! D: Help?<3 Lovie, Lyssa Lovie I was also thinking about having one of them being secretly suicidal, depressed and with a eating disorder, but I'm not sure if I want Amber to be the "Cheerleader with a bunch of secrets" or If I want Jamie, the one who a lot of people might expect her to have these issues since shes described as being emo, goth, and a loner so far. Any ideas, :D
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Best Answers: Is the what I have of my story any good? I want advice Please?

Caprina Caprina | 2 days ago
I think that the story is very well written. It was literally dragging me into it, With the whole suicidal thing, I think that the more you show the characters' mind set, the more you can get the audience to relate to them. I, personally, think that Amber should be the suicidal one because of the fact that it would be very unexpected. I hope my constructive criticism was helpful. Good luck to you! By the way, thank you for writing that scene. I wanted to give you the address to my story on Fanfiction.net http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7250929/1/Tainted_Love_The_Story_of_Jiang_Hui
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Caprina Originally Answered: Advice on how to write a good story?
Yes, I would agree with Mr. Martin. I am an amateur writer, but the best advice I can give you is set aside about a half hour a day and just write. You can definitely write about your idea (which sounds cool, btw), or get started writing a short piece (w/e), as long as you are experimenting. I don't think you need to worry about copying something or having everything laid out immediately, just start writing: about the setting, about the character/s, about the action, and then you can piece together important stuff as you like how it turns out. Don't be worried about where it goes first off. I think it is important to note that it is next to impossible to tell a story that hasn't been told yet, or hasn't copied off a theme/idea. But, you get to make the story unique and engaging. And that is what is fun about writing!
Caprina Originally Answered: Advice on how to write a good story?
You should take writing advices from known authors with a grain of salt because writing is a creative process and there is no one way that is right for everyone. What works for George R. R. Martin works for him because it works for him. However, to some extent there are some common denominators in good writers in that they are well informed of their subject matter and this almost always means being well read and/or highly experienced in life. Furthermore, they are (for the lack of a better phrase) economical in their words in that they can get the point across with the right amount of words unlike most amateurs who just go on and on dragging things out for no apparent reasons. I would disagree to some degree with Martin's assertion that it should not be about money. I would say it should not be JUST about money because there were many good authors who wrote to deadlines and for the money to pay their bills. Many of the old time writers from the '30s to 50's wrote what they did because their genre was in demand and publishers were paying money for it. But what set the good authors apart from the bad was that the good ones maintained the integrity of their writings while the others did not. I would also disagree that you should write everyday. It is not the quantity of writing, but the quality of it that you should be focusing on. Any idiot can write all day long and everyday, but their work product is still worthless. That's because most people unfortunately believe that practice makes perfect. It does not. What makes perfect is perfect practice. Doing something over and over will not magically make anything perfect. It has to be a conscious deliberate process each time to make it right or better. All this means you have to have a plan. Even if the plan doesn't work out, you at least know not to do it that way the next time. One thing that I've always found helpful when writing is to be mindful of my audience; who am I "speaking" to?

Amethyst Amethyst
Good concept! The way you write kind of makes me feel you skip over things. Like you say, she backhands me once, I backhand her five times. Might want not to just skim over that. What do you do? Reel to the floor? Does your face sting? Do you glare up at her? Also, I feel like you totally just skimmed the murder. First of all, if you know someone who dies, that's major grief. Someone who was murdered, even more. You might need counseling. But a triplet? I'm a twin, and I know how it feels to be one. When you talk about the murder, you say, my triplet was murdered last year. Now we moved to Sunnyville. One down, two left. On to hot guys. The repercussions of a murder, especially someone you share the womb with, is devastating. The way you describe it, it sounds impersonal, like the triplet was just a stranger. Remember, all this being constructive criticism :) Though I kind of got offended with the whole whoops-my-triplet-got-murdered-oh-look-a... thing. I know I exaggerated that, but still. Twins are so much more than womb-sharers. Also, you don't just slap your sister around 5 times and then go, "Come on! We're going to be late!" I think some more char devel would help you ease into this more. But you have a good concept. Try and research the repercussions of relocation and bereavement. You don't just move on from something like that. You'd have to leave your friends and school and everything you know, and your triplet sister would be dead. You'd be angry. Afraid. Lonely. Confused. And that's just a start. Please don't get offended! I'm just being honest here. Good luck!
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Ward Ward
I think you have a good start here, but I would read over it again to fix a few spelling mistakes. For example: '..yes Amber and I are twins, my decreased sister...' <-- Take the 'r' out of 'decreased' As for building the male character, I would just ease into it. Write about each sister meeting the guy, separately and maybe, they, at first, don't realize that they are into the same guy? (Only a suggestion). Once you meet the character it should be easier to go from there. Hope this helped!
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Ward Originally Answered: What are some good advice for a good story?
First, learn how to write a story. That will tell you the basics. Lots of new writers just sit down with paper and start writing as if they don't need any training. Most don't get very far. Next, after that, be sure to hold your readers' interest throughout the entire story. If there's one book I'd recommend, it would be "Story" by Robert McKee. You can get it on Amazon. Next is to browse websites and messageboards where the craft of storytelling is discussed. Good luck!

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