How do you let go of resentment?
Topic: Go see think do problem solving
June 19, 2019 / By Dena Question:
How do you stop wondering, "if everyone i know had been better to me, where would i be now?" I can't seem to stop being angry at everyone that has wronged me, and sort of blaming them for where I am now; I keep thinking if they had helped me more, I'd be somewhere else. of course its pointless to wonder and to try and change the past because it's done. i just cant seem to get past it. my parents could have done a way better job, my friends had the resources to help me but just didn't, instead, they ditched me when the going got tough. And I'm still here alive and breathing, but things are crummy and it makes me angry that I am expected to dig myself out with no help, when there's a world of people around me. I'm so angry and it stops me from making any real change. How do I stop this?
Best Answers: How do you let go of resentment?
Calanthia | 1 day ago
An easy mindset to fall into.
But the blame game doesn't work does it? It doesn't solve any problems and just makes you angry.
It's pretty pointless saying, if only, or it could have been, or things could be so much better if so and so had done that for me, or if they hadn't done what they had done. etc...
I mean I could do the same thing, especially about my parents, Lol.
But it is what it is. And it's done in the past. Alot of hurt along the way, actions and attitudes of others and some things are my own doing aswell.
And that is an important thing to do, to accept responsibility for your own actions. Whatever it is that you are in, is there something that you yourself could have done differently or acted differently?
At the end of the day I think it is best to just see people for who they are, people let others down, we screw up, we make huge mistakes, we make stupid choices, we are not flawless or perfect and so it is best not to have such high expectations of others. family, friends or otherwise. I know people who we are close to, we do want them to be by our side and support us, but you know what they don't always, and it does hurt.
But somehow you just gotta forgive them and let it go and move forward. Forgiveness is key, it is for your own healing to be able to forgive others, it isn't necessarily for their benefit, it is for yours.
Who is expecting you to dig yourself out without any help?
How do you know what others expectations are of you, unless they have specified clearly to you.
Are we talking financial problems? Because money is not a subject to be fighting over and lending and borrowing money within families is just not a good thing to do.
I don't know your situation but can you ask for help? Have you asked for help? Or do you feel that you cannot.
Can you ask for help from a neutral source, someone who is not a family member or a friend. I hope there is someone who you can build some kind of trust with, and begin to move forward and get the help that you need.
I am so glad that you are alive and kicking and it seems you have a strong attitude, just channel that anger you have, that energy into something positive and productive for yourself. Anger is just self destructive and creates a pit of bitterness and dispair.
Pull up your bootstraps, do whatever it takes and forgive those who have wronged you. .
I hope you can move forward and do well. you sound like a nice person who needs some support.
👍 90 | 👎 1
Did you like the answer? How do you let go of resentment?
Share with your friends
We found more questions related to the topic: Go see think do problem solving
Originally Answered: How do I let go of resentment towards my mom and dad?
I am so sorry that you have had such a rough beginning to your life. The emotional scars are real, but you have survived to adulthood and learned a whole lot about how NOT to treat people.
You would benefit from some counseling, which may have to wait until you have medical insurance...but there are some things that you can do now to heal yourself. One is to accept what is--not excuse it, but to tell yourself you had crappy parents, they did the best they could, it wasn't good enough, and that is that.
Set boundaries; don't let them push your buttons. Distance yourself as much as you can; engage as little as possible if it helps you. Oftentimes, when we have had terrible childhoods,we make truly dear friends, who come to mean more to us than our families of origin ever could.
You need some of THOSE types of friends in your life. Choose them wisely. Trust them slowly, but do trust them. They are worth their weight in gold.
There are some books out there that will help you realize that you are not alone in the world, nor are you alone in how dysfunctionally you were raised. Take some comfort in that, take some coping skills from the books you read.
Journaling, or writing about your feelings, your anger, your desire for things to be different is a powerful tool. Many people say they feel "silly" journaling, but quickly realize it is like having a person to talk to, someone who will always listen, someone who does not interrupt...and going back and reading what you wrote in the heat of the moment of anger, hurt or rage can be cathartic, and when shared with a therapist can be a powerful tool towards healing.
Hang in there, and be glad that you made it to adulthood! I realize that you had a an unhappy childhood, but I have worked with some people who have been so traumatized from physical and sexual abuse, torture and being locked in closets or basements for years at a time that no matter how much therapy they undergo, they will never have a chance at a relatively normal, happy life.
No one comes from childhood unscathed; some of us are just more scarred than others. Moving on and making a good life is the best balm for the wounds of childhood!
Good luck to you.
You do sound pretty on the ball.
There is no way to let go of it.
Just see if you can change your attitude about it.
Look at the facts....
1. You were in a shiddy situation
2. Your parents put you in that situation and didnt help you out of it
3. Your friends didnt do the right thing by you
4. Your life has turned out differently than you had hoped
5. There is no turning back the clock so whats done is done.
Now, those were the facts. Now, how you feel about them is what you can change.
I am the most happy go lucky person you can meet.
As long as there is no physical or emotional pain then all is good (animals included). There is no reason to have emotional pain unless somehting bad has happened -
If somehting bad has happened - you feel bad about it - otherwise you wouldnt care and wouldnt do anything about it - true.
But once you feeel bad about something - you change it.
You fix the problem.
If it cannot be fixed -then it is hardly a problem and it is just LIFE.
If it is life - get used to it
If you dont want it in your life - Get rid of it!!!
👍 30 | 👎 -5
First you need to decide if you want to go through life as a victim. The plus of it is; you don't have to own any mistakes or make decisions based on today because there is always someone to blame if things turn out wrong.
The minus: You give up your personal power to others. Taking responsibility for ones own life gives a certain amount of power and freedom.
Think about it. Up to this moment you have handed your whole life over to people and circumstance and it isn't working for you. What if you were to say to yourself: "I am taking back my life and giving myself power over my life, emotions and decisions."?
As it is, all those others you named and some you didn't name still have power over you! Yes there was a time when your parents could have made your life better but the window has shut on that time. If you sit in the past, and mull over the resentments, nothing will change in you or for you. Grab the shovel! It is all a matter of decision. Decide to take your life and power back and don't waste time wishing. If you feel you need help, seek it professionally or with a self help group.
👍 30 | 👎 -11
The word resentment when broken down means to be hurt again from bringing up feelings of who done what to you in the past. You have to move out of the past, I can tell you are caught up in it. You have to realize nothing can bring back the past, absolutely nothing.Forgive and forget.By doing this, only then will you be able to move forward. You can also look at it as a learning experience. But for the most part, you have to accept responsibility for your own actions and not blame others. Blaming others will slow your growth as a person. Accept what has happened and let go. Those feelings of being hurt will let go as well. I know this quite well from plenty of personal experience. If you like to chat more, message me
👍 30 | 👎 -17
Read the book. How to be an adult. It may sound stupid but it helps me with those kinds of issues.
OK you need to forgive others around you and forgive yourself and stop dwelling on the past.
Everyone makes mistakes even you. You will eventually let someone down or probably already have so don't be so hard on people alright. Just let it go. Go for a jog than write down what your feeling and of course pray about it. God hears you out!
Pray, pray, pray!
👍 30 | 👎 -23
Originally Answered: Would it be okay for me to tell my parther by text msg that i have resentment towards him?
No, don't text him that, put it in writing and post the letter to him. That's a much better way of doing it anyway, and every word in a letter will be clearer and easier to read plus stick in his mind more, that scrolling up and down through a text message. A letter would be far more effective on him.
You could finish the letter off by saying that if he is not prepared to sit down and talk with you to discuss this in a serious manner you are thinking of ending the relationship and moving on to a better life for yourself.
Then sit and face each other and talk in a non threatening way, discuss each issue and try to solve them if he is willing, if not then perhaps it really is time for you both to part. He sounds like he has problems of his own, normally those who try putting us down and humiliating us are normally more discontented with themselves and use us as excuses, don't want to accept the blame that lays really on their shoulders only. Well he needs to learn your not his kicking donkey anymore, you do have the human right of love and respect from everyone walking our planet especially him. He I think needs you more than you need him, but the guy is a bully particularly of the emotional kind.
Is he worth it ? only you can answer that question, but Good Luck with what you decide to do.