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Girls What Do You Think Of My Poem, Serious?

Girls What Do You Think Of My Poem, Serious? Topic: How to write amazing blog posts
July 24, 2019 / By Deja
Question: To the girl I love but doesnt know it Every time I see your face my heart attacks You are everything thats white and my worlds going black If only you could see When your happy it means everything to me If the world worked my way Id have you here night and day The moon would only shine for us two The wind would wisper I Love You The world stops existing when we lock lips Everything means nothing in the light of a kiss If you could feel my heart When we stop and pull apart And I look into your face And everything else floats into space Fire burns through my soul Scorching my heart when I let you go The whole world would soon be a black abyss If I didnt hold on to that one white kiss Not something Im Ready To Her Im Posting It On My Myspace Blog And Hoping She'll Rad It Reading Not Ready
Best Answer

Best Answers: Girls What Do You Think Of My Poem, Serious?

Brook Brook | 10 days ago
omg its gorgous and i love how your saying shes the one who lights up your world meaning shes the white in a black world omg its amazing id love for someone to write me something i write too but nothing this good :) i love it whoever its for is very lucky
👍 248 | 👎 10
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Brook Originally Answered: GIRLS: what would you think if i wrote this poem for you?
Takes a lot of heart to write poems. There's a lot of emotion, and I've come from a place just like that. I have someone who's the same way, and you know even if you don't give it to her, you've made something your own, it's a great poem.

Alisya Alisya
Read this one i wrote and see the flow and also look at your and try and not put a word in because it rhymes with your next line. Try using the Thesaurus it helps alot when looking for an alternate meaning for a word. On that last time we met I felt you so close to my soul when you let me go I wanted to say "please let me hold you once more" You looked at me with this innocent smile then For you, my heart skipped a beat and even for just one second In your arms, I felt complete the gentleness of your touch sent a shiver to my heart something inside kept telling me "We'll always be, We'll never part" You're the place where I belong your arms are what I call home your eyes are my guide whenever I feel lost and alone you're the angel that whispers with soft songs each night you're the hero of this broken heart you're my hero..Tonight! holding you in my arms makes me feel secure you ease each killing pain with your magical soft cure the feeling of your embrace I haven't described it before I need to know how to say it So,please let me hold you once more
👍 100 | 👎 4

Uri Uri
It sounds like a song I know, I can remember the tune, but not the person who sings it. Sorry, the lyrics are almost the same as the song. It's pretty good, I like the flow. Maybe work on it a bit more, I don't like the "white kiss"part. Whatever you do, don't make your work too sapy.
👍 91 | 👎 -2

Robin Robin
its great, except it doesnt flow very well, theres a few places where its just rough and a few words like and or when or of would make a world of a difference... but i think if you were to turn in into a song it would work well because then you can work it into a different beat than its read
👍 82 | 👎 -8

Micha Micha
say last kiss instead of white kiss. white kiss just sounds weird. and dont say heart attacks, that just sounds like your having a cardiac arrest. not very romantic.. other than that i think its sweet, good job :)
👍 73 | 👎 -14

Joyce Joyce
It's alright and it's really sweet. And I know I'M the girl you love. And I really appreciate it :] :'(. So deep....lol jokes. I reckon she'll love it. But if she's a bi*chy, slutty type then maybe not. Nice poem.
👍 64 | 👎 -20

Harland Harland
Its too early to save I love you... Unless the girl seriously deeply madly in love with you. Its a panglobal turn off.
👍 55 | 👎 -26

Elbert Elbert
If u think this poem will get a girl It will most likely make them hurl Please try something a lot less corny it will in no way, make them horny
👍 46 | 👎 -32

Carlton Carlton
Man... i wish my boyfriend had the slightest guts to write me poetry...that's good i like it very flattering :)
👍 37 | 👎 -38

Carlton Originally Answered: Girls, do you like this poem? Age and feedback?
this is beautifully written. when i read this, though, i felt almost as if you had more to write...raw emotions that cut even deeper...but you felt the need to rhyme, and as a result, your feelings are cut short in this poem. perhaps you should consider using forced rhyme, or free verse? you have a real talent for painting pictures with your words, and for spinning some wonderful imagery. your writing is very emotion-evoking. i noticed that you threw in some assonance..i don't know if that was intentional, but i like it =] once again, you're remarkably gifted. please continue to write. --nicole, age sixteen

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