Girls What Do You Think Of My Poem, Serious?
Topic: How to write amazing blog posts
July 24, 2019 / By Deja Question:
To the girl I love but doesnt know it
Every time I see your face my heart attacks
You are everything thats white and my worlds going black
If only you could see
When your happy it means everything to me
If the world worked my way
Id have you here night and day
The moon would only shine for us two
The wind would wisper I Love You
The world stops existing when we lock lips
Everything means nothing in the light of a kiss
If you could feel my heart
When we stop and pull apart
And I look into your face
And everything else floats into space
Fire burns through my soul
Scorching my heart when I let you go
The whole world would soon be a black abyss
If I didnt hold on to that one white kiss
Not something Im Ready To Her Im Posting It On My Myspace Blog And Hoping She'll Rad It
Reading Not Ready
Best Answers: Girls What Do You Think Of My Poem, Serious?
Brook | 10 days ago
omg its gorgous and i love how your saying shes the one who lights up your world meaning shes the white in a black world omg its amazing id love for someone to write me something i write too but nothing this good :) i love it whoever its for is very lucky
👍 248 | 👎 10
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Originally Answered: GIRLS: what would you think if i wrote this poem for you?
Takes a lot of heart to write poems. There's a lot of emotion, and I've come from a place just like that. I have someone who's the same way, and you know even if you don't give it to her, you've made something your own, it's a great poem.
Read this one i wrote and see the flow and also look at your and try and not put a word in because it rhymes with your next line. Try using the Thesaurus it helps alot when looking for an alternate meaning for a word.
On that last time we met
I felt you so close to my soul
when you let me go I wanted to say
"please let me hold you once more"
You looked at me with this innocent smile
then For you, my heart skipped a beat
and even for just one second
In your arms, I felt complete
the gentleness of your touch
sent a shiver to my heart
something inside kept telling me
"We'll always be, We'll never part"
You're the place where I belong
your arms are what I call home
your eyes are my guide
whenever I feel lost and alone
you're the angel that whispers
with soft songs each night
you're the hero of this broken heart
you're my hero..Tonight!
holding you in my arms
makes me feel secure
you ease each killing pain
with your magical soft cure
the feeling of your embrace
I haven't described it before
I need to know how to say it
So,please let me hold you once more
👍 100 | 👎 4
It sounds like a song I know, I can remember the tune, but not the person who sings it. Sorry, the lyrics are almost the same as the song. It's pretty good, I like the flow. Maybe work on it a bit more, I don't like the "white kiss"part. Whatever you do, don't make your work too sapy.
👍 91 | 👎 -2
its great, except it doesnt flow very well, theres a few places where its just rough and a few words like and or when or of would make a world of a difference... but i think if you were to turn in into a song it would work well because then you can work it into a different beat than its read
👍 82 | 👎 -8
say last kiss instead of white kiss. white kiss just sounds weird. and dont say heart attacks, that just sounds like your having a cardiac arrest. not very romantic..
other than that i think its sweet, good job :)
👍 73 | 👎 -14
It's alright and it's really sweet.
And I know I'M the girl you love. And I really appreciate it :] :'(. So deep....lol jokes.
I reckon she'll love it. But if she's a bi*chy, slutty type then maybe not.
👍 64 | 👎 -20
Its too early to save I love you...
Unless the girl seriously deeply madly in love with you. Its a panglobal turn off.
👍 55 | 👎 -26
If u think this poem will get a girl
It will most likely make them hurl
Please try something a lot less corny
it will in no way, make them horny
👍 46 | 👎 -32
Man... i wish my boyfriend had the slightest guts to write me poetry...that's good i like it very flattering :)
👍 37 | 👎 -38
Originally Answered: Girls, do you like this poem? Age and feedback?
this is beautifully written. when i read this, though, i felt almost as if you had more to write...raw emotions that cut even deeper...but you felt the need to rhyme, and as a result, your feelings are cut short in this poem. perhaps you should consider using forced rhyme, or free verse?
you have a real talent for painting pictures with your words, and for spinning some wonderful imagery. your writing is very emotion-evoking. i noticed that you threw in some assonance..i don't know if that was intentional, but i like it =]
once again, you're remarkably gifted. please continue to write.
--nicole, age sixteen