I need advice from people that have gone through a divorce that they did not want?
Topic: Write letter long lost relative
June 19, 2019 / By Deborah Question:
My husband left me 5 months ago via a text message while I was at work. We have not spoken since. Even though I know it is wrong I text him at least twice a week. Sometimes he responds but most of the time they go unanswered. We have not spoken since he left. I know now that at the time I was so self absorbed in my career that I ignored him. I understand that he has had enough. I even wrote him a letter to apologize for picking my career over him and I tried to explain that I felt that I had to pay for the life style we had grown accumstume to, since he was unemployed. Since than I have lost my job and I am completely lost. Everything is falling apart. I can no longer pay for my home, thank goodness I don't have children. Normally I am very intellegent, college educated, career oriented, but now I feel like a loser. My family and friends are over my husband already, they don't want to hear anything about him. They want me to go out with them, but I physically can't. The only thing that I can do is sit outside. I was seeing a therapist a few times when this first happened but I had to stop it was too expensive. I need some solid advice. I desperately want my marriage back, but I know I am the only one. My husband has moved out of state and he won't even tell me where. He keeps telling my attorney that he is at a relative's house 45 minutes away from me,but I know he is lying. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! Please help!!!!
Best Answers: I need advice from people that have gone through a divorce that they did not want?
Britta | 2 days ago
get into a bible based church, learn to pray and read the bible, talk to the pastor.
time will help alot, look at this as a new chapter in your life new doors will open.
your husband is wrong, God hates divorce, especially if no adultery has taken place on your part, he has no authority from God.
👍 232 | 👎 2
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Originally Answered: Marriage problem, divorce?!, need advice.
It sounds to me as if you have already answered your own question. No one can tell you what to do, you have to figure that out for yourself. That being said, you have a long list of grievances, none of which it sounds have been addressed. This should tell you something about your partner. A worthy partner would have your best interests at heart, but with a marriage, it is a two way street and compromise is always important. The needs of both partners should be met or at least acknowledged.
Most people do not go into a marriage with the thoughts of divorce, so most people feel the same way as you even if there was damage done during the marriage. Divorce is hard even under the best circumstances.I think there may be more to his story than he's disclosing. Part of love & marriage is WORKING to take care of the household. If you husband was unemployed and you worked tremendous hours, what else could be expected?
You've done what you could, you've stepped forward and tried to communicate with him. He is not reciprocating, and is keeping you in the dark about his new life, so you have little choice other than to follow the examples of your family and friends and move forward in life.. Plenty of intelligent, career oriented people have lost their jobs recently, you will rebound....Keep your head up and never let a man [or anyone] determine your self-worth....Good luck to you...:)
👍 100 | 👎 -4
You are still an intelligent, capable woman. You have all the skills you need to get through this.
You may be depressed. Your gp can prescribe meds and give you free samples. If you can't afford it, you'd better start getting some vigorous exercise. That helps change your brain chemistry.
You need to STOP thinking about your ex, where he is or how he feels. Focus on yourself.
Try to find someone to talk to for free. Churches can be a good source for that. Even a women's support group is better than nothing.
You can pull yourself out of this, but you have to stand up and do it. Good luck.
👍 99 | 👎 -10
There isn't anything you can do about it at this point. If he has pushed you this far out of his life, to the point that he doesn't even want you to know where he is, then let it go.
FYI.... Men need to feel respected and valuable. When you make a comment like this one below it is emasculating.
"I even wrote him a letter to apologize for picking my career over him and I tried to explain that I felt that I had to pay for the life style we had grown accustom to, since he was unemployed. "
If you get a chance to talk to him again. Build him up. Make him feel good about himself.
But I think in ths situation.......everything is out of your hands at this point.
👍 98 | 👎 -16
Honestly, it sounds like you made a tremendously bad mistake placing your career above your spouse's basic needs as a husband.
That being said, I think you've paid enough for your folly and I hope you get to reunite with your estranged hubby and get to rekindle everything since.
However, I doubt that your husband will reconcile... I'm not saying it's right or wrong... just not likely.
👍 97 | 👎 -22
Originally Answered: Legal Advice Regarding My Complicated Divorce?
You really need the advice of an attorney (a lot of them will speak to you for only $50.00). If you are employed, check to see if your employer offers pre-paid legal services (they are absolutely awesome to use)....cost very little in your paycheck. The pre-paid legal is anywhere from $15.00 to $25.00 a month (a well worth it).
I found these links on the internet if your employer doesn't offer this....I can't recommend any of these services as I haven't used any of these companies...but it's worth checking into.
This website can direct you to a Local Attorney for Free:
You also might talk to a local "paralegal" you can use their services to reply to attorney letters etc. (they are less money than an attorney) and they are required to operate under an attorney.
I wish you the best in all that you do...it's a tough time for you and especially because of this tough economy.