Do I have a right to be angry?
Topic: Should i stay up all night doing homework
July 24, 2019 / By Darcy Question:
Ok, I'm an Australian exchange student living in Germany with seven German flatmates.
They're all a bit older than me (aged 24-27, I'm 19) and go out every night. I'm going out on Saturday and Sunday night, so decided last night (Friday) that I should stay in and get my homework done so I could have a good weekend.
The thing is, my housemates were still running around yelling at 12am when I went to bed, but I just thought "it's Friday night and it's only 12, no big deal".
However, at 3am one of my housemates came in completely off her face, yelling and screaming. She was in the hallway just outside my room and woke me up. A bunch of others came in, too, and partied loudly in our flat from 3am to 6am. Every time I drifted off, somebody would yell or break something and it would wake me up again. When I went into the kitchen at 7am to get some breakfast, I couldn't even turn the light on (it was still dark, btw) because two people were passed out in there. the entire place was a huge mess, with bottles and old food everywhere.
I know it's the weekend, but I always try to be considerate of them, so I feel angry.
Things like this have happened before (them playing football inside in the hall, one girl wandering in and tasting my food out of the pot when I was entertaining friends and had told them weeks in advance that I'd need the kitchen for a few hours)
I hang out with my own friends a lot, but when I am home I stay in my bedroom and don't disturb anyone. These 7 people have all been friends for a while, so I don't want it to be like 7 of them against me, but I don't like living like this.
In Australia we are a lot more considerate of others. So, my questions are:
1. Do I have a right to be angry?
2. Should I say something? (Maybe I could make a joke of it? "Ooh, drunk last night, eh?" ;))
Best Answers: Do I have a right to be angry?
Brandie | 9 days ago
they were drunk, when people re drunk they forget about manners and considering of other people. my suggestion - move out. it will happen again and again and again, u can not be against 7 people indeed. do not even say anything, just move out. and demand the deposit back because of constant partying and your inability to live there in peace. also if i were u i would have come out and yelled at them to get the f''k out of the apartment because i wanted to sleep. i by the way noticed that people from germany and sweden and norway somehow have no manners at all and they re very inconsiderate of others. so if i were u i would try to find a place with as little flatmates as possible
👍 206 | 👎 9
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Originally Answered: I am so angry right now?
As the parent of a 17 year old daughter my first question is how well do your parents know the people you would be going with? It is hard for parents to come to grips with the idea of their daughter (or son) going so far away with someone they don't know well or are not sure about.
You have a well thought out question and if you were to approach your parent(s) in a mature way at a less stress time and present your case , as it were, much as you did on here, explaining how you would cover your school work etc., you may at least get them to listen to you.
Ask your prospective to host(s) to meet your parents in a pleasant, low key way. No pressure, just a friendly meeting.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas..
You guys are in different life stages. You are in your study stage and you obviously value it a lot. Some people at your age didn't care about studying.
Your mates aged 24 and above are done with study and are in their working and partying stage of life. So it's not a surprise they do these sort of wild things. That's normal.
If you have a separate room then maybe you can lock it and don't let people into your room. Usually when you are alone in your own room, no matter how crazy otherside of the door is, it's still reasonably possible to sleep. But if you guys all share a big room together and people are jumping around literally next to you, then you'd probably want to move out.
Setting rules will help but won't change the overall situation. It's easier to change yourself (eg. move out) than to tell them how to be civilized. You can still tell them how you feel, do it clearly but nicely. Or they might not even know what you are angry about. They might think you are a super tolerant guy and that you don't mind.
You have the right to be angry but need to use your head to not be angry and do something about it.
👍 80 | 👎 3
Well, I think your frustration is justified, but I don't think that matters.
First of all, I have lived in Germany and I'm familiar with Germans from other places. Although of course there are exceptions, they do have a reputation for being obnoxious roommates and neighbors. And the students tend not to have to work as hard as students do in most English-speaking countries. Many of them simply don't understand the concept of having to get up to perform well at work or school. Many of them feel like they have to live up to an image of being a typical student / young person, and that means being dirty and partying a lot. If you complain, they'll probably just think you're uncool.
At any rate, there are seven of these people. You're not going to change all of them, even if you can convince one or two to be slightly less obnoxious.
So I think your only solution is to move. You're not going to change them. Find someone to take over your lease.
👍 72 | 👎 -3
Yes, because it's a shared-accommodation and you all should be considerate of each other. Are you able to move? If finances aren't a problem, you should find another place. I definitely would not want to live with seven people either! Too many! Try and find another place you would be comfortable with and with fewer people too. Good luck.
👍 64 | 👎 -9
Yes I think you have a right to be angry, and no I don't think you should say anything like that. Just find somewhere else. Tell them you're a different person and you don't like partying all the time, and you will leave them be, or something. 7 angry Germans is a lot to handle.
👍 56 | 👎 -15
Of course you are angry, and have every right to be irritated with their inconsiderate behaviour. You can talk to them about it, but my prediction is that they will not change in any significant way. There are too many of them and you will be a lost voice in the crowd. Start looking for other arrangements and do that soon. This is not a problem that can be solved by talking with them.
👍 48 | 👎 -21
Yes you should say something by all means! AND they should understand that you are paying money there and unless they want another roommate, they should be considerate of you needing some sleep. That is really horrible. I would see if I could room somewhere else if it was me.
👍 40 | 👎 -27
get the hell out of there as soon as possible, try to find a new room or something, and maybe with quiet roommates.
I would go crazy if I had to endure that..
👍 32 | 👎 -33
Originally Answered: Would you be angry about this?
Hi there Rebekah. And sorry to hear about the situation you are in. It sounds very familiar to what my husband goes Thur with his brother minus the age difference. I deal with this too on a smaller scale with my sister. There are 13 years between she and I. We both get gifts from mom, but she always gets the better. I normally don't say anything. I guess its not my nature unless its hurting someone else I love.
In your case I think I would have to say something. I don't think its about the gifts or money with you. I have answered back and forth with you so much I think I know what you are trying to say. It's the idea. And it hurts. He is thinking about his 'new' family and not about you or your loved ones. He is hurting you and your loved ones. IF he could not afford it, thats one thing. But to give to others and not you/your loved ones is rude. Tell him you are hurt by this. Explain to him that its not the gifts you care about, but the idea that your family doesn't seem as important as his new family and this shows by his words and actions. If nothing comes of your talk with him and he doesn't seem to still care take a 'dad break'... Don't call for a while... don't go around for a bit. Maybe he will think then about the fact that he did hurt you?
I don't know... Just a suggestion. I take 'dad breaks' occasionally. It always works out. Good luck to you!!
P.S. One day late (wink ;) Think lots of baby dust for me... I will think good thoughts for you and your family, as always.